I met Alan Cohen many many years ago, and loved to hear him speak in Southern California. This story is about forgiveness - a vital part of any healing. My beautiful son Wade was killed by a drunk driver. I know something about forgiveness. Please enjoy this story as you look into your heart to find what is unforgiven. Once you release and forgive, you will find your life opening to miracles. This takes courage, but isn’t that why you are here?
A young Japanese man named Shui was riding on a crowded train when a belligerent drunk made his way through the train car and began to rough up passengers. Shui had studied martial arts for many years, yet never before had he been forced into a public confrontation. Shui felt his blood begin to boil, and realized the ruffian needed to be stopped before he hurt someone badly.
Shui stood up, blocked the fellow’s path, and the two exchanged angry words. As the men were about to square off, Shui felt a hand on his arm. He looked down and saw a frail old man. “Let me handle this,” the elder insisted.
Shui watched in amazement as the old man invited the heavy to have a seat next to him. Strangely, he acquiesced. The elder began to engage the fellow, asking him questions about his life and looking him in the eye with kindness and compassion. After a while the thug confessed that his wife had just died and he was in great pain; he had gone out and gotten drunk to numb his agony. The old man placed a comforting hand on the fellow’s shoulder, and he began to weep. Before Shui’s eyes the intruder was transformed from a villain into an innocent child.
When the train arrived at the next station, the tough guy thanked the old man and exited the car. Shui, stunned, sat down next to the old man and asked him, “Why did you stop me?”
“You were about to meet that man’s violence with your own,” answered the old man. “In true martial arts, if you hurt your opponent in any way, you cannot call your act a victory.”
We have all encountered people whom we feel we must protect ourselves from. Yet there is a way to keep ourselves safe without hurting others. It is the strongest way to protect our peace. Although we have been taught that we must wield pain as a weapon to keep others at a distance, it is not so. We gain all together or not at all. To wish ill upon anyone is to hurt ourselves.
I used to visit a prisoner named Ron. Years earlier, in college, Ron had a girlfriend named Jen. One night the couple had an argument, and in a fit of rage, Ron beat her up. Tragically, she died. Ron was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to many years in prison.
I met Ron when he was up for parole after nine years of incarceration. In contrast to his violent act, I found him to be a gentle soul. He was contrite about his crime and he had used his time in prison to advance his spiritual growth. Ron studied A Course in Miracles, he was active in the prison church, he was liked by the other prisoners and staff, and he had worked his way up to a responsible position managing the prison laundry. When I visited Ron, I sensed no cruelty in him and he certainly did not seem like a dangerous criminal to me.
Ron told me that he had been denied parole repeatedly because Jen’s parents had mounted a citywide campaign to keep him in jail. Each year when Ron was eligible to be released, Jen’s parents took out newspaper ads, exerted their political influence, and orchestrated a concerted community effort to “keep this killer off the streets.” Yet, looking at this man, I did not see a killer at all. I saw a basically good man who had made a heartbreaking mistake.
“So how are you dealing with Jen’s parents?” I asked Ron.
“I send them love and prayer,” he answered. “I understand that they are very angry and they must be in great pain. If I could go back and undo my act, I surely would. More than anything, I wish I could bring Jen back. But I can’t. So I am just deepening my relationship with God right where I am and trying to be a blessing to the world.”
As I left my meeting with Ron that day, I wondered who was really in prison. Ron was locked up physically, but his soul was soaring. Meanwhile, Jen’s parents were quite wealthy and enjoyed unlimited physical freedom, yet they were consumed by anger and vengeance. It seemed to me that their wrathful thoughts were creating walls more formidable than those encasing Ron.
Because we are spiritual beings at our essence, what we do with our spirit influences us more profoundly than what we do with our body. Heaven and hell are not places we go or conditions the outer world imposes on us; they are experiences we create with our thoughts and beliefs. A Course in Miracles tells us, “I am affected only by my thoughts.” Where our mind goes, there we are. The desire to hurt brings us instant pain, while the desire to heal brings us instant freedom.
If you are angry with anyone, or involved in a conflict, keep reaching for a solution that leaves everyone whole. If you feel you need to hurt someone or take something away from them to make things even, you do violence mostly to yourself. Instead of seeing them as a villain, regard them as wounded or calling for love. No one does anything mean or foolish unless they are in great pain. To try to inflict more pain only exacerbates their sense of disconnection. As you connect with your own sense of peace, you invite them to claim theirs. Only then can you say you have won.
About the Author:
Alan Cohen is the author of many popular inspirational books, including the best-selling Why Your Life Sucks and What You Can Do About It, the award-winning A Deep Breath of Life and his newest is the prosperity guide Relax into Wealth.
For information on this program and others, or to receive Alan’s free daily inspirational quote and monthly newsletter, visit www.alancohen.com or email info@alancohen.com. For information and a free catalog of Alan’s books, tapes, and seminars, phone 800.568.3079 or write P.O. Box 835, Haiku, HI 96708.
Paul Newman - what a wonderful courageous life he lived. Fantastic movie career, amazing marriage, charity and restaurant work, racing. Paul and his wife Joanne Woodward have raised over 200 million dollars for charity. Paul was the heart and soul of Hole in the Wall Camp, and just last year helped 14,000 children go to camp. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward followed their dreams with courage. Here is a quote by Paul about the camp.
I wish I could recall with clarity the impulse that compelled me to help bring this camp into being. I’d be pleased if I could announce a motive of lofty purpose. I’ve been accused of compassion, of altruism, of devotion to Christian, Hebrew, and Moslem ethic, but however desperate I am to claim ownership of a high ideal, I cannot. I wanted, I think, to acknowledge Luck; the chance of it, the benevolence of it in my life, and the brutality of it in the lives of others, made especially savage for children because they may not be allowed the good fortune of a lifetime to correct it. - Paul Newman.
Authentic comes to mind when I think of Paul Newman, he was a regular guy who was kind and loving to people. Paul, you will be missed around the world. Paul passed October 26th 2008. Journey on in Peace and Love.
Alex Walker is 11 and from the UK. Alex is all about living in courage. A tragic accident with a toy last August left Alex severely burned on his upper body and face. Three other children were injured as well. Alex’s teachers did not think he would ever return to school, yet within 4 months, he was back. That is courage. What an inspiration this boy is to all who know him. Alex is now involved in school safety on playgrounds (Playground Friend), and is helping to raise money for the air ambulance charity while representing his school in sporting events. Alex is in a lot of pain and discomfort, wears pressure bandages, gloves and will be receiving steroid injections into his face soon. This boy is confident, the face of courage. We send you and your family love and send you wishes for your perfect health. Thank you for sharing your beauty and courage to shine for all the world to see. Here is Alex with him mum Melonie, who says “Alex is coping better than everyone else. Melonie also said that he was a quiet boy before the accident and now is much more outgoing. We are here cheering you on Alex.
This post was written on courage by my new friend Dieter Pauwels, who stumbled across Living in Courage and loved it here. Dieter shared these words on courage with me and I would like to share them with you. Please visit Dieter, who is a coach from St. Louis, MO. Thank you Dieter for sharing your insight and courage with us.
You don’t have to climb the highest peak of the Kilimanjaro or fly around the world in a hot air balloon to experience courage.
Courage comes from the Latin root ‘cor’, which means heart. When your heart is weak, filled with anxiety, inferiority and regret, you will have little courage. When your heart is filled with compassion, love, honesty, respect and confidence, you will build great courage!
We live in a climate of corporate malpractice — fueled by greed and self interest — financial and moral scandals, and political righteousness. Today, more than ever, we need leadership to be inspired with courage. Courage to lead from the heart, courage to do what is right, courage to provide leadership based on values and strong principles.
We are all leaders of our own destiny. Leadership from within requires courage! When we lack the courage to be true to our self, we tend to conform to the expectations of others. We settle for second best or mediocrity and we choose the security of our comfort zone. Hence we cheat ourselves (and everyone else) from what could be possible.
Courage requires a strong emotional commitment to your own values and principles. The stronger your commitment, the more likely your life will unfold from a place that is real and authentic.
Courage is not a talent or an acquired skill. Nor is it a thing to be waited for. Courage is the gift we all have been given to discover our true nature and face our personal truth.
You’ve got that gift!
Be courageous!
Dieter Pauwels http://www.dieterpauwels.com
email - dieter@dieterpauwels.com
Dieter Pauwels is a certified professional life coach, business coach, speaker and author.
He provides an open-minded approach to provide the attitude, mindset and skills needed to empower you to create the results you want in your personal and professional life.
He works out of his base in St. Louis MO. His coaching clients are located in the US and Europe.
I am still in Napa. Last night I walked down to the vineyards while Cody laid by the pool (overlooking the vineyards) at The Wine Country Inn. I sat under a tree. It was wonderful to hear the birds chirping, the crickets to my left and to my right was a large rabbit moving about the vineyard. The sounds of nature, the breeze and the visual beauty was so peaceful. Cody and I listen to stories of courage from people all over the country. It is always good to get away and renew perspective. I am grateful.
I am about 1/4 of the way through the book Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and loving it. I don’t think I have ever read a book about a man who has been through such a journey of courage and challenge. He is unstoppable determination. It is amazing he is alive today considering what he has been through. It really makes you think about the day to day complaining people engage in. I don’t think there is any reason to complain again after reading this book about Mortenson and the people he has come to love and support. This book is one I highly recommend to you.
As I sit here in Napa California for a weekend of serenity and relaxation, I look forward to some fine wine and food. My husband Cody is finally reading the Shack (I was not ready to give it up!) and he loves it. We sit in our room, overlooking the vineyards and hills. Gratitude is the order of the day. Cody took a long run thru Calistoga, and is preparing to find “the best coffe in town” as he is a coffee snob of the first order. I think about courage and the ability we have each day to choose. Well, today I choose to courageously move into the day and enjoy every moment. I just began reading Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson & David Oliver Relin. I have heard about this man Mortenson the abundant consistant courage he exibits in his life. I will let you know more about one man’s mission to promote peace, one school at a time. He built 55 schools for girls in the forbidding terrain that gave birth to the Taliban. I look forward to this story of adventure and the power of the humanitarian spirit.
Have a wonderful weekend. I send you love and blessings from Napa Valley,
I just finished reading “The Shack” by William P. Young. This book is so powerful, full of courage, beautiful, fun, uplifting and full of surprises. It was not what I expected, but I was pleasantly surprised at the depth of the book. I could not put it down, but did not want it to end. The story stays with you long after you read it. Your perspective will change about many things life, if you are ready and willing to hear the messages there for you. I highly recommend this book to everyone who visits me at Living in Courage. Along with having a strong message, it is very entertaining, so get out there and find a copy. This is a book you may find useful to refer back to from time to time.
There is a big difference between ability and the perception of your ability. Your mind will try to limit you. Use courage, confidence and conviction of purpose to master your mind.
Put your toes in the water of all that you are. Taste the perfection of you, feel it, experience it. If you are not ready for a full meal yet, well then, start by taking little sips at a time. Anticipate, use great courage to be in a place of discovery about yourself. Have no value in holding on to fear and judgement, which closes the door to everything. When you move past the negatives, you instantly give yourself the ability to go past anything that a moment ago was limiting you. Move past the former inablility to see yourself as you truly are, which is courageous, strong, powerful, energized and beautiful in your self growth. No one can do this for you. Nothing outside of you can do this for you.
A whole mind conceives and comes forward with brilliant ideas and seeks to act on those ideas. A split mind does not conceive, it perceives - perception. The power of qualification is the ability to say “this is what is going to happen in my life.” People misqualify by worrying about an outcome or a present experience that may lead to a worse experience in the future. We have to conscious of what is going on in our thoughts and feelings. People don’t realize how they handicap their experiences later in the day or the week. We have the power to put things out there energetically. We qualify every day. Worrying (destructive activity) compels the mind to make the feeling and emotional body move into fear. Use inner courage to keep you strong.
Have the ability to see beauty where no beauty seems to be. There is a powerful part of you that knows the answer before the question is even asked. Tap into that power by taking control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Paint your life with courage. The world out there seems pretty scary, but remember, old systems are breaking down as new systems are moving into place. Don’t let fear or the world control you any longer. The old systems are breaking down because they don’t work for the good of the people, for the good of the whole planet mother earth. Life intended us to live in peace, harmony, love, health, wholeness and wellbeing. Take the time to qualify your day and make powerful choices every morning when you rise and every night before sleep. Move into a state of anticipation, expectation and knowingness. Create joy and miracles in your own life and the lives of others.
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